this boner is exhausting
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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