the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize