Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize