fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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