I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
