I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
smell my finger.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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