wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
