no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
