it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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