I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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