Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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