If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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