So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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