He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
