Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
