if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
