The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
