he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
