I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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