why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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