Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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