Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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