Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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