Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
