i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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