you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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