If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
