How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
