Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
