He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
