Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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