Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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