it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He better not be in your backpack
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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