When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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