he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
