Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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