I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
