Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
