all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
