I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
