So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
