you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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