Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
