and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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