; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
