you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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