i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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