what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
