Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was confusing and full of hummus
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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