You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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