I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
