My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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