I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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