take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
