best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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