i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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