Pappa wants mamma naked
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
