So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
