Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
