I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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