I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
