if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
