I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
