I looked at my own cervix.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
