why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
