I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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