ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
