Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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