Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize