I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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