WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
