I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dude. I can hear the air.
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