I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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