i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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