Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
