go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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