Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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