i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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