Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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