North Korea, Best Korea!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she peed on how many people?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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